First, I forgot to mention that while we were happy to be in a kid-free environment (you know us Hoerls- we don't like having to monitor our salty talk), we did meet a very stressed out toddler who we think is a certifiable genius. Julie and I were minding our own business in the San Francisco airport when, lo and behold, a little person starts crying. This is not shocking- this is what the little people do. What came next actually blew our minds- Jr.'s mom starts waving a MAP of the United States and suddenly this two-year old is in a trance. He grabs the map, walks over to us, and starts naming AND pointing at all the states. ALL of them, even Delaware. Even Rhode Island. Amazed by this kind of smarts, we tried to trick the child, of course, but he simply could not be stumped. He could even name and locate all the states starting with M- try it. There are a lot of them. We could then understand why he was so stressed out- that's A LOT of knowledge for a baby to be carrying around.
Now, here are just a few more highlights to share before we get to the main event:
-Dance parties all the time. This is basically my dream come true, especially when La Banda Imperial is on the stage. During these dance parties, no one can sit still- Mom, Dad, and Nancy were so overcome by our amazing moves that they too had to join in the fun. Nancy even got pulled onto the stage on Boogie Night, and Mom was a very popular dance partner for the Entertainment staff (but more on that later).
Please don't be alarmed that Pops and Paul are so extremely sweaty in these pictures- we all were completely disgusting (and excited!), but Dad and Paul were lucky enough to get the fruits of their "Moves Like Jagger" captured on film. We ruled that dance floor. Every. Single. Night.
-On the way home from one of these dance parties, nature was kind enough to give us a shower. Suddenly, and without warning, the sky opened up and dumped all of its water on us. Luckily, we were hot and sweaty, it was the only time it rained the whole week, AND we were able to do an awesome rain dance.-Dinner at the Japanese restaurant, where we were treated to a Benihana-style Tepanyaki show. It was all you can hope for in Japanese show cooking: piles of meat and shrimp, and a chef that kept meowing to entertain us. Plus, Nancy exclaimed at the end of the meal that she could not longer feel her forehead, which we attribute to either too much sake or a bad piece of tofu. Luckily, it was only temporary and extremely hilarious.
-Mad Libs: The World's Greatest Party Game. These always provide us with an endless amount of fun. Allow me to offer you a sample of our superior work: It's so much fun to go to the dumper. You can surf, swim, build sand ferns, and look for inner tubes. But what happens if you get caught in a sandstorm? You'll need the following advice to help keep the sand out of your chest hairs. First, wet an elegant sandal and place it over your backfat. Then rub some horsies on the inside of your nose to help keep it succulent...
You get the idea- we probably deserve a Pulitzer.
-Our fine work as stalkers. Let me lay it all out for you: At the Valentin Imperial Maya, there is a fabulous, nice, fun entertainment staff. On this staff, is an extremely good-looking, fine young thing named Jesús (with an accent). Once we laid eyes on Jesús, we decided we did not want to take our eyes OFF of Jesús ever again. So we didn't- hence, the stalking. We practiced our art form in three important ways:
a) Daily water aerobics with Mr. Jesús. As hard as we tried, we could never swim fast enough to stand next to him for the requisite hand-holding, massage portion of the workout, but Julie WAS always the first one to shout out his name at the end, so he definitely appreciated us.
b) If that wasn't enough to get us noticed, he certainly was aware that whenever he was standing by the pool or especially if he was in the pool, we were stationed in the water nearby, parked in our inner tubes, drinks in hand, just watching the magic happen.
c) And if he STILL didn't know how COOL we were, one evening after a productive three margarita happy hour, Julie showed off her Spanish skills by yelling HOLA! to the passersby. She greeted Jose, but no one actually knows who that was, and then something magical happened: Jesús walked by. Hola Jesús!
We were 99% sure that Jesús was gay as May (no straight man can possibly be that pretty), but in the end we think he actually may just be kind of a tool. Nonetheless, he is a fine, fine specimen, and stalking him led us to our new friend, Josue, and the #1 greatest memory of Mexico.
(drumroll, please)
-Josue (the boss of the entertainment staff, whose most memorable quote is "Mr. Angry Guy!" I won't explain because I guarantee it won't be funny, but just believe me, it was hilarious at the time. Right, Sis?). We got to know Josue quite well, culminating with his challenging Mom to a Cosmopolitan-making contest and then inviting her to take over the poolside bar! After our "cooking lesson" (guacamole = delicious) with Josue, we started chatting him up. We learned some key info (like that fact that Jesús may be dreamy, but is, in fact, a bit of a tool), and attempted to explain the love triangle between Paul, Eric, and I. My dear, sweet Paul got a bit done in by the cocktails that Josue kept shoving in his face, but once Josue poured a Cosmo that was the color of Kool-Aid, Mom laid down the gauntlet, and history was made.
During Mom's reign at the bar, Josue continued to force cocktails on poor Paul, and also managed to consume four, yes FOUR, of Mom's Cosmos. This a feat never before known to man. She also shared her famous concoction with another handsome Valentin entertainer, Christian, and our new friends, Carrie and Ryan, from Michigan.
Needless to say, Mom's turn as bartender made our whole family very popular with the staff. After four Cosmos, Josue managed to not only run the Crazy Game for the day (in which Eric made the second round), but he also dominated the dance floor with all seven of us much later that night. The next day, Josue told us he was a bit "thirsty" but that it had been the most fun he'd ever had at work. Who knows if it's true, but I guarantee you that it was the most Sherry Hoerl Cosmos anyone will ever drink. And, it was a pretty unforgettable way to end our trip.
-Our fine work as stalkers. Let me lay it all out for you: At the Valentin Imperial Maya, there is a fabulous, nice, fun entertainment staff. On this staff, is an extremely good-looking, fine young thing named Jesús (with an accent). Once we laid eyes on Jesús, we decided we did not want to take our eyes OFF of Jesús ever again. So we didn't- hence, the stalking. We practiced our art form in three important ways:
a) Daily water aerobics with Mr. Jesús. As hard as we tried, we could never swim fast enough to stand next to him for the requisite hand-holding, massage portion of the workout, but Julie WAS always the first one to shout out his name at the end, so he definitely appreciated us.
b) If that wasn't enough to get us noticed, he certainly was aware that whenever he was standing by the pool or especially if he was in the pool, we were stationed in the water nearby, parked in our inner tubes, drinks in hand, just watching the magic happen.c) And if he STILL didn't know how COOL we were, one evening after a productive three margarita happy hour, Julie showed off her Spanish skills by yelling HOLA! to the passersby. She greeted Jose, but no one actually knows who that was, and then something magical happened: Jesús walked by. Hola Jesús!
We were 99% sure that Jesús was gay as May (no straight man can possibly be that pretty), but in the end we think he actually may just be kind of a tool. Nonetheless, he is a fine, fine specimen, and stalking him led us to our new friend, Josue, and the #1 greatest memory of Mexico.
(drumroll, please)
-Josue (the boss of the entertainment staff, whose most memorable quote is "Mr. Angry Guy!" I won't explain because I guarantee it won't be funny, but just believe me, it was hilarious at the time. Right, Sis?). We got to know Josue quite well, culminating with his challenging Mom to a Cosmopolitan-making contest and then inviting her to take over the poolside bar! After our "cooking lesson" (guacamole = delicious) with Josue, we started chatting him up. We learned some key info (like that fact that Jesús may be dreamy, but is, in fact, a bit of a tool), and attempted to explain the love triangle between Paul, Eric, and I. My dear, sweet Paul got a bit done in by the cocktails that Josue kept shoving in his face, but once Josue poured a Cosmo that was the color of Kool-Aid, Mom laid down the gauntlet, and history was made.
During Mom's reign at the bar, Josue continued to force cocktails on poor Paul, and also managed to consume four, yes FOUR, of Mom's Cosmos. This a feat never before known to man. She also shared her famous concoction with another handsome Valentin entertainer, Christian, and our new friends, Carrie and Ryan, from Michigan.Needless to say, Mom's turn as bartender made our whole family very popular with the staff. After four Cosmos, Josue managed to not only run the Crazy Game for the day (in which Eric made the second round), but he also dominated the dance floor with all seven of us much later that night. The next day, Josue told us he was a bit "thirsty" but that it had been the most fun he'd ever had at work. Who knows if it's true, but I guarantee you that it was the most Sherry Hoerl Cosmos anyone will ever drink. And, it was a pretty unforgettable way to end our trip.
Then it was all over- in a flash, we were headed home and are back to real life (which is A LOT less fun, I have to say). It was an incredible trip and we're already saving our pennies so we can go back. How about next week? What do you say, guys? But seriously, thanks to the best Mom and Dad- we'll never forget it. Happy anniversary- we love you!PS- Familia! Am I forgetting anything? There was so much hilarity, I may not have gotten it all. Put it in the comments, amigos!
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