To celebrate Mom and Dad's 35th anniversary, Julie, Paul, Nancy, Eric and I joined them at an adults-only, all-inclusive resort in Playa del Carmen called the Valentin Imperial Maya. This resort was perfect for us because:a) everyone at the resort left their babies at home- which we were especially glad about after the kid walking in front of us blew (a lot of) chunks the moment he stepped off the plane in the Cancun airport. Yeah, that actually happened.
b) an adults-only resort is perfect for romance, and if there's one thing everyone thought of when they saw the seven of us prancing around that hotel, it was romance.
c) we don't like to do a lot thinking or math on vacation, so it's better if everything is included so we don't have to make any important decisions and never have to calculate a tip in pesos.
Mother Nature cooperated and sent neither snow nor sleet nor trembling earth our way and we all arrived in Cancun last Saturday without incident, gratefully accepting our welcome cocktail and settling into our new routine of resort luxury living.
Except for Paul.
In true New York travel style, Paul had to wait 1 million years for a subway, had to jump in a cab to chase down a bus at 2 am, arrived at the airport before it was actually open, and then took off in a plane that had to turn back because it was having mechanical difficulties. THEN when he finally arrived in Mexico, he had to sit on a bus for a couple of hours until there were enough other people to make it worth a trip to the hotels. And THEN when he finally got to the hotel, they didn't believe that he was actually supposed to be a guest there, since he didn't make the wild guess that the reservation was actually listed under the name of "Julie Hoerl, Paul." By the time we got there, he was completely crazed and in need of 5-6 cocktails and a huge platter of various meats, both of which he was able to find within our first hour at the Valentin
Now the scene is set, so without further ado, here are the top memories of Mexico 2012 (mostly in no particular order):
-On our first night, we saw the Fire Show on the beach. Basically, it was a bunch of nearly naked dudes doing some sexy dances with burning sticks. We thought this was the best possible way to kick off the vacation until the BEACH DANCE PARTY after the Fire Show began. Best. Time. Ever. We danced the night away on the soft white sand to an amazing band- we may or may not have caused a huge scene with our awesome moves, but we clearly didn't care since we caused the same scene almost every other night of the trip. Dancing to La Banda Imperial was a frequent, and favorite, activity. -Three words: Open Concept Bathroom. Three more words: Mashed Potato Bath. Five Words: Chicken WIngs. In The Bath. Put 'em all together and what do you get? An EPIC first night in Mexico.
Allow me to explain: One of the major romantic features of the Valentin is the Open Concept Bathroom (OCB). This, of course, was the subject of much anticipation leading up to the trip and the reality of the OCB did not disappoint. Paul and Julie's room epitomized the concept. The tub was basically in the same room as the bed, with the shower, toilet, and bidet situated directly behind, shielded modestly by (clear) doors. So romantic for Paul and Julie!
The brochure for the Valentin features a couple very much enjoying their OCB, including a soak in a bath tub that is seemingly overflowing with mashed potatoes. Obviously, Paul, Julie, Eric, and I made it our mission to re-create this delicious, decadent, romantic experience. I'm happy to report that we were successful, and also had our own "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas moment" when we ordered late-night room service and indulged in some pizza and chicken wings, while sitting in our very own mashed potato bath. I'm fairly certain the four of us could have gone home the next day satisfied that Mexico had delivered. -Joseph, the shy iguana that enjoyed sunning himself on top of our cabana and occasionally fell off the roof if he leaned too far to catch a bug or to perform his sun salutations. We also made acquaintances with many other friendly lizards, including Harry and Rick, who liked to pass through our cabana on their daily strolls.
-Lunch, at the service of Jorge, who decided we looked like a crowd that needed to be livened up. We were treated to a round of Tequlia Popper shots, complete with a napkin hat and/or another (often "adults-only") napkin prop. Look out, Strietelmeiers! We have some new ideas for the contest next Christmas!-Hornitos margaritas, banana coladas, champagne for every meal, mudslides, mojitos, cuba libres, cervezas, dacquiris...you get the idea. These came in unlimited supply, and often from a swim up bar in a very lovely and warm pool. It really doesn't get any better that that....
-...except when these fine libations were delivered by our new bestie, Teresa! She is a tiny little cocktail waitress with a heart of gold and the cutest bounce in her step. We LOVE Teresa and (we think) she was at least somewhat entertained by Julia, Pablo, Eric, Rebecca, Sherry, Nancy, and Don Bond (El Jefe) and our attempts at conversational Spanish. Julie (Julia) and Paul (Pablo) originally planned to make our first espanol question for her be "Me llamo Julia! Que es su colore favorito?" (I'm Julie! What is your favorite color?). That might have been awkward, and also weird, especially with Joseph the Iguana peering down at us from his rooftop tanning booth.
-The ocean, of course! Some of us (I won't mention names) are quite afraid of the ocean due to the ever-present possibility of fish, jellyfish, or eels. Upon careful inspection, we happily discovered this ocean contained none of the above so we went wild! Although the waves knocked us over most days, forcing us back to the safety of our poolside cabana where a fresh drink was waiting, we spent plenty of time frolicking in the surf.-Dinner at the French restaurant L'Alsace (or LOL Sauce, colloquially). This restaurant was promised as the best dining at the resort, and boy, did it deliver. Our food was extremely delicious, especially the butter for the bread. Not even kidding. Everything else was good too, don't worry. To add to our delight, a pianist was tinkling the ivories with our favorite lounge renditions of all the Broadway hits. THEN, when Julie ordered dessert (for the table to share) she selected two baked alaskas, one chocolate mousse and one cheesecake. The waiter wrote it down and turned, in complete seriousness, to Nancy and asked "and what will you be having?" From that point on, we knew we could order four of everything and no one would blink an eye, so we assumed we'd actually died and gone to heaven. To top it all off, at the very moment that the waiter lit the baked Alaska on fire in a dramatic flourish, the pianist launched into the theme from Phantom of the Opera. SO PERFECT. Paul was convulsing with so much excitement, I was sure I'd have to lay him under the table until he calmed himself.
I think that's enough for installment one- just you wait, the best is yet to come. Hint: it involves a very handsome, very tan, very blue-eyed, and very charming young man named Jesús (with an accent, just so we're clear).
Hasta luego, amigos!
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