DISCLAIMER: The following post may or may not contain a rant. Despite being repeatedly instructed by my yoga teachers to remain unharmed in the face of life's trials and tribulations, I find that humans continuously make me HARMED. You have been warned.
It's been a while since I have blatantly voiced my less than positive opinion about the intelligence of my fellow citizens, which is probably good because holier-than-thou doesn't look good on anyone. Even me. But, lately I've been in a particularly judge-y mood. This could be for any number of reasons including, but not limited to, the increasing prevalence of absurd furry boots, the (count 'em!) TWO cell phones that went off last week while I was seeing Next To Normal, our new neighbors that insist on playing Rock Band every single night, and my new-found infatuation with Chelsea Handler. (I know, I KNOW. So obvious, so cliche, so low-brow. But, you guys, this girl has the EXACT same opinions about human behavior as me. Namely, that most everyone out there is short a few tools in their shed, if you know what I mean.)
So, yesterday I had a truly lovely New York day- a workout, a latte, a long walk rambling The Ramble in Central Park, listening to an amazing band in said park, a cocktail or three...and a movie. A nice 9:30 am, $6 movie (and I'm sure it's obvious that this is the only time I go to movies, given my predisposition toward falling asleep early in the evening, not spending more than $10 on anything other than food and booze, and avoiding crowds at all costs.)
I went to see Morning Glory (the new Rachel McAdams movie) and, I'm not ashamed to say, it was not terrible. It was actually NOT stupid and even a little smart at times. Overall, a win.
Except other people were in the theater with me. And they, overall, were NOT a win.
Being a 9:30 am showing, there were approximately 14 people in the theater- me, 4 old people, and 8 (yes, that's right- EIGHT) twenty-something girls out for a pre-brunch giggle-fest, who just so happened to pick the same row as me. So these girls, apparently, thought this movie was HILARIOUS. Were they laughing at the witty writing that sometimes made a surprise appearance or even at Rachel McAdams strangely sad but completely endearing and relatable awkwardness? No, no- these ladies (all eight of them) reserved their howling and hand-clapping and knee-slapping for the Asian weatherman who may as well have predicted it would lain on the palade later that day in Ros Angeres. For example.
Oh, hello, OBVIOUS!
Don't get me wrong- it's not that I don't love making fun of stereotypes. This can be comedy gold. Morning Glory, while sufficiently enjoyable, is no where near comedy gold, except, it seems, to my eight Saturday morning movie sisters.
And then, don't even get me started on the trio that waltzed in halfway through the movie and basically set up a four-course picnic- I was just waiting for the champagne to come out (only if they shared!).
To top it off, someone's cell phone not only rang, but the person ANSWERED it and had a whole conversation!
What is WRONG with people??
Despite there being just over a dozen people enjoying this film with me yesterday morning, I was once again shown that, without a doubt, we are only as good as our weakest link. And so, it is with utmost urgency that I'm BEGGING you, my friends and family, my intelligent and savvy and hilarious companions in this odd and distracted world-- Don't. Get. Stupid.
We are the only hope for the future.
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2 comments:
OK, do we have the chronology out of order or was there REALLY a cocktail (or 3) before the 9:30 am movie?!?! And perhaps that's the reason for the questionable arithmetic accounting for the movie attendance. You + 4 old people + 8 girls = 14? Plus the picnickers? Yeah, you've probably had enough alone time in New York. (LOVE these blogs though, as always) XOXOX
Mom, you are reading these too literally. Or maybe I've taken my poetic license too far. It's definitely one or the other.
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