1. I finally had to trade my beloved Colorado drivers' license for a legit California license.
2. I had to drive.
Happily, I've gotten over any lingering side effects of such drama.
Despite the fact that I haven't actually lived in Colorado for a good ten years, I've still held on to that licenses. Perhaps it's been out of denial, perhaps out of laziness, but more than likely just because I prefer to maintain the illusion that I'm still a Coloradan- neither a New Yorker nor a Californian and, thus, still superior. Coloradans, you all know exactly what I'm talking about here, so stop judging.
Unfortunately, the Colorado DMV decided five years ago that my charade would have to end on May 13, 2011 so, with approximately 5 seconds to spare, I turned myself in. (Apparently it is a crime to live in a state for more than 10 days without getting a new license. Obviously, they don't take someone's attachment to their roots into consideration here, or they would extend that limit to something closer to a decade).
Once I accepted the reality of the situation, I had to start jumping through bureaucratic hoops. Driving test, anyone? The California DMV's website is infuriatingly vague on the subject of an on-road driving test so, my reluctance was starting to look a lot like panic. My years as a city girl have turned me into an anti-driver- I prefer public transportation or, even better, for someone to drive me around and the idea of operating a vehicle, frankly, terrifies me. Having to drive with someone else in the car? That sends me into convulsions.
Luckily for my nerves and the unfortunate DMV employee who might have gotten me as his subject, I didn't have to take a driving test. Whew! I did have to take an eye test (passed!) and a written test (also passed!), through which I learned some very fun facts:
•Highways are most slippery when it first starts to rain after a dry spell
•You must make a written Report of Traffic Accident Occurring in California SR 1 (now that's a mouthful!) within 10 days if you are in a collision that causes more than $750 in damage
•Smoking inside a vehicle when a person younger than 18 years of age is present is illegal at all times
That concludes the lesson of the day.
After a mere two hours of standing in line at the DMV, I was officially licensed and ready to hit the road. Literally.
The next week, I had to go to the Washington DC area for work and, as is the case in most city suburbs, I was going to need a car to get around. TRIAL BY FIRE!
Other than driving to and from the airport, my typical journeys were no more than 3 miles. Grueling, I know. BUT, navigating around Tyson's Corner, VA could have been a driving test in itself. Hazards abounded! Gridlock traffic, construction everywhere, sudden lane closures, shopping malls...you name it, there was something intimidating in my path. Because of these obstacles, the useless maps provided by our friend Google, and my reluctance to run into other cars in order to change lanes, I missed my planned turn 9 times out of 10, so every single trip took twice as long as it should have and shortened my life just a bit more than necessary.
By the end of the week, I was becoming an expert at the old driving thing (translation: I was no longer shaking at the end of the drive and only missed 1-3 turns per trip), but I still had my biggest quest ahead of me: get back to the airport at rush hour and get gas.
Let's just say I got a 50%, plus some bonus points for bravery.
I managed to get to the freeway, get on the freeway, cross 5 lanes of heavy traffic in less than a mile, and take the correct (unmarked) exit. Genius! Bonus points all around! The getting gas situation was less successful. Turns out, the only gas station I could find was also a popular rest stop for airport taxis and limo drivers. Like in the middle of the gas lanes. Imagine parking lot, but with all the cars facing a different direction, and half of the cars with no driver. Yeah, it was like that.
I finally squeezed up to a gas pump only to discover my gas tank was on the other side (fail!) and I had no idea where the button to open the tank was (fail again!). After 5 minutes of panicked searching for the stupid button, I threw in the towel. Lucky me, though, I was stuck between two driverless vehicles! With other drivers all around me honking and (probably) yelling, I really thought that might be the end of me. I had officially entered my fourth to worst nightmare (the first three involve geese, tsunamis, and snakes, in that order).
With a few deep breaths, a lot of crossed fingers, some wincing, and the promise of a cocktail at the airport, both the car and I got out of our little pickle and I drove my teary eyes and empty gas tank to the car return and said GOOD RIDDANCE to driving.
At least for this year.
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