A Raw Deal

Brace yourselves- this is another All You Can Eat Sushi tale. If the last horrifying recounts of absurd amounts of uncooked fish, seaweed, and sake left you feeling squeamish, you are not alone. I, too, required many months of recovery time before I dared to allow another piece of spicy tuna to pass through my lips. And don't even SAY the word sake or I can pretty much guarantee I will throw up on you.

Fear not- this sushi adventure was much less overwhelming and, basically, was just much... less. But (isn't there always a but?) I am ashamed to say that it wasn't smooth sailing. I made what every All You Can Eat Sushi afficionado would call "The Rookie Mistake."

Everything started just great- we were bopping right along, Eric munching politely on his teeny cucumber rolls and me stuffing my face with Fancy, Fancy Rolls. And it was all just extremely tasty! So OF COURSE after round 1 I HAD to order a round 2. I mean, hello, it was ALL YOU CAN EAT. Why can I never just leave well enough alone? I mean really, it's not like I was competing against Paul this time. I already had Avocado Boy beat at this meal.

But, alas, I decided to order 2 more rolls. And I picked the innocent enough sounding Y2K and Spider rolls.

And then the horror show began.

What arrived in front of me was 16 pieces of the largest sushi I had ever seen. Both were approximately the diameter of my fist and both were enclosed in mountains of rice. And one of them was wrapped in HOT PINK SEAWEED. Not joking. My sushi was neon. I took one bite, and suddenly, I was so very, very full. And these rolls were not so very good. And yet, I had 15 pieces to go.

Here's where we get to "The Rookie Mistake"- you see, before my Spiders and neon Y2K's arrived, I was feeling so confident and smug. Like, now I know the secret, just order a couple at a time and get hand rolls because it's the rice that kills you and I'm so smart and so good at eating contests and this is so great and blah blah blah. Stupid, stupid girl. Your sushi was COVERED IN RICE. Oh, and it was NEON.

15 pieces to go, and gag reflex firmly in place, and you're not feeling so confident anymore, are you?

I choked down a few more pieces, and I knew this was getting serious. After all, I had never failed an eating contest, and certainly not at All You Can Eat sushi. I mean, I didn't even know what they did to you if you couldn't finish but I knew it really could not be good.

So, I brought in the big guns: Eric.

I bet you didn't see that coming, did you?

Yes, Eric, my dear sweet vegetable loving Eric, took one (actually two!) for the team and ate two of my not-tasty-at-all-and-if-I-have-to-eat-those-I-will-vom-or-at-least-cry Spider rolls. He soaked them in soy sauce for approximately five minutes, but he did it. And didn't even cry or vomit.

By then, I was down to about 8 rolls and I was seriously considering Failure. I could hear Paul's laughter in my head, wondering how I got myself into this, even as I attempted to swallow bite after bite after bite. Eventually, I made my way down to 3 and was ready to accept the Big Fat Fail.

Oh the shame...

So, because my competitive spirit cannot be stifled by an eager gag reflex, I rallied. With Eric cheering me on and taking pictures and mocking my pain, I pushed through and willed myself to swallow that last bite of tuna wrapped in neon seaweed. Out of the goodness of her heart, the waitress did not force me to eat the last piece of shrimp on my plate, and, thank goodness, because that would have been the end of me.

End of story- my All You Can Eat Sushi dignity is still intact- barely. We still don't know what the Penalty is for failing at this game though. Do you have to wash dishes? Do they charge you for a second All You Can Eat dinner? Or is it just the humiliation of having the cute little Japanese people point and laugh at you because you were stupid enough to order that much sushi rice and tempura shrimp?

I'm going to guess that last one is a given, even if you don't fail...