Lernin'

The other day I ventured back into territory I have not dared to enter since the days of book reports and learner’s permits: The Public Library.

Having avoided such places for (could it be?) almost ten years now for fear that I would be arrested immediately for the hundreds of dollars overdue fines and missing books that I probably still have on my record, my purchases at Borders have become so frequent that Eric has placed an official moratorium on buying books. Without new material for weeks now, I have become so desperate for books that I took a deep breath, told myself that if I can hold down a job I surely must be capable of returning a library book on time, and I returned to the booklover’s treasure trove.

I walked in and was instantly embarrassed that I have spent such a ridiculous amount of money on books over the last 10 years. I mean, every book I could ever want is housed for free right down the block from my apartment! I was never going to leave! So I walked the aisles, picking up any book whose pretty cover or catchy title caught my eye, taking in my surroundings and my fellow patrons in this revered place of culture and higher learning.

And then I saw it.

Another person, obviously thirsty for knowledge, sitting at one of the computers, typing with equal parts determination and enthusiasm, such that I thought for certain he must have just cracked the problem of his graduate thesis or made groundbreaking progress on his first novel. And, naturally, I snuck a glance over his shoulder, and, there, blaring at me in type large enough to take up the entire computer screen, was the masterwork:

YANKEES BASEBALL SUCKS!

And there you have it- the literary future of America.