Always just a step behind...

Grad school's hard. That's basically all there is to that. You would think this would all be just common sense- after all, I've basically been doing this since I was a baby either as a performer or a producer or a leader or all of the above. But somehow, despite the hours I'm spending reading instead of getting a job, and as hard as I try to comprehend everything we're learning, when I get to class I feel like I just can't put it all together. I can't see the big picture or understand what my professors are trying to get me (and the rest of the class) to say. All I want is to say something really insightful, something that will indicate to my professors, and to myself, that I do after all belong here and that I just may have the mind that higher learning exists for. But right now, it's just hard. So I'll keep doing my reading, and start to throw myself into the research that I'm apparently already behind on, and analyzing all about how group projects work, and still apply for jobs every day, and somehow I'll come out ahead. Sometime soon, hopefully it will all start to make a little more sense..

Funny stories- could be titled "How not to get a date in New York City"... Here's scene #1:
Place: Citibank ATM's, I'm standing minding my own business waiting for Eric to get some cash...
Middle-Aged Man: So, I just can't get over this pink money
Me: [shocked blank, are you talking to me? face] uhhhhh....heee heee....yeah.....
Middle-Aged Man: I mean what are they going to think of next? Is it really working??
Me: uhhhhhh....heee heeee....I don't know
This continues for several minutes while Middle-Aged Man obviously is hoping that something he says might spark my interest so that I might you know go right to the bars with him or something like that I guess....

Scene #2:
Place: NYU library, printing station, I'm about to go into the printing room
Nerdy Boy: Excuse me, are you from the midwest?
Me: [looking around, seeing who is being addressed, realizing it's me] UHHHHHH....noooooo...Colorado...
Nerdy Boy: Oh, well I could tell you weren't from New York.
Me: [so annoyed and insulted] uhhhhh
Nerdy Boy: You just don't have that New York thing, it's ok....
Me: uhhhhhhh......
Nerdy Boy: So what do you do....oh I'm real estate....
Me: [growing ever more suspicious and annoyed that I'm not printing and reading] arts administration [what's it to ya, buddy...]
Nerdy Boy: oh huh huh I'm Hugh, your name is again? [cut cut cut for reasons of boredom in reading this] So since you're new, you want to, uh, hang out, uh, or something....
Me: ummmmm
Nerdy Boy: Ok well you go do what you need to do, I'm going to get my information for you

So he goes away to get his dossier or something and I go about my printing business and have almost escaped when he finds me and hands me this little scrap piece of paper just scribbled on. And says:
So, uh, do you want to,uh, give me your e-mail or something
Me: Uhhhh....ummmm....okayyyyyyy
And, because I never really had to learn the art of tactful let down and don't really know what to do in awkward situations like this, I gave him my e-mail! But, don't worry, I didn't write my last name, or put my e-mail that I use, or give him my phone number....
Nerdy Boy aka Hugh: So, I'll, uh, e-mail you Friday morning and see what you're doing this weekend....
And then he scampered away!!

So awkward! So sad! So not how you should try to get a girlfriend! But maybe this is just how it's done, and I luckily don't have to play that game, or really care to remember anything like it!

Also, we saw a big clown doll laying in the trash today. It was scary. It was dead or something...